Things that I need

The country, folk music, basil, longing, sadness, solitude, fortune cookies, BBQ, ceiling fans, baths, my brothers, slow-pace, snow, did I say the country? Otis Redding. Did I say being alone? Order, simplicity, clarity. Collard greens. Mineral water. Beer. I need to make people laugh. Or else. Medicine. Raw material. Wood. Woodness. Wood. Dirt and crushed up fingernails. Did I say medicine?

17 Little Things I am Big Obsessed With

1. religious imagery
2. Mexican cokes
3. old Chevy Silverados
4. Miller High Life
5. waterbeds
6. matchbooks
7. propaganda art
8. bacon
9. cheesy record covers from the 1970s
10. mason jars
11. gold chains
12. anything that is rusty
13. found materials
14. ugly pillowcases
15. fortune cookies
16. myself
17. bad poetry

15 Things You May not Know about Me

1. I suffer from extreme insomnia.
2. I take an anti-seizure medication for "mood swings."
3. I am an atheist.
4. I think most things are utterly meaningless, besides wind, trees, rain, etc.
5. I once hitch-hiked from California to Florida.
6. My favorite song is 'Pastures of Plenty' by Woodie Guthrie.
7. I like old America.
8. My favorite dessert is mango sticky rice.
9. I am obsessed with logical fallacies.
10. I lived in Los Angeles; I worked in an art gallery; I was sad a lot.
11. I played tambourine in a band once.
12. I like mason jars.
13. I think of special things sometimes (fingernail moons and glitter).
14. I think of non-special things sometimes and think that, actually, they are special (carcasses, mosquitoes, eating lots of carbs).
15. I can proabably drink you under the table.
16. I don't believe in love even though I am in love.

Conversations/Arguments I Refuse to Have

1. If you believe in Creationism, I do not want to argue or debate with you. You are, quite simply, wrong. Actually, if you ACTUALLY believe in creationism I probably do not want to talk to you at all.

2. I don't want to hear about the dream you had last night. Nor do I want to hear about what you think it means, unless you think it means you should stab yourself in the chest...twice.

3. Abortion. Please do not argue with a girl who has had an abortion about how you think it's wrong. That's just wrong.

4. OMG--The existence of God. This conversation is a cliche, the idea of God is a cliche, and the idea of existence is now even somewhat of a cliche. God!

5. I refuse to accuse large, vague entities of creating problems (the government, society, the media, et al.)

6. If it's other people's private business I guarantee I will stay out of it. The world is less and less private. I put myself on display in my blog and on my social profiling accouts, but I recognize the fact that it's merely a display, a presentation. More privacy.

7. I don't want to argue about east coast v. west coast rap. It's a non-issue at this point. I will say that I like B.I.G better than Tupac.

8. I once had an argument with someone about the importance of logic. Guess what side I was on. Yes, I think logic is important. I also think it's retardly illogical to have an argument about the merits of logic. YOU NEED LOGIC TO ARGUE. Thus, I pretty much won the argument, because --obviously-- this person could not argue. And now I'm pretty much not friends with this person any more. Please do not start a conversation off like this, "Who even said that logic was important in the first place?"

9. I guess I just don't want to talk about it unless you agree with me. Which isn't really true. It's just as the far right and far left attract more and more numbers,I find it hard to have an intelligent conversation, one based not on assumptions void and hasty generalizations, but an educated one.

Things from my Childhood I Miss

1. grilled cheese
2. giant lemonade stands
3. Mr. Potato Head
4. plastic shorts and shin guards
5. eating a Watchamacalit and then a Mamba
6. having a crush on Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper at the same time
7. riding my bike to the donut shop
8. stink bombs
9. staring at this one picture of Jesus to make me not laugh when Sr. Aquila was yelling at me
11. thinking about the day when i would finally make out with a boy
12. truth or dare
13. the fact that I could beat my brothers up
14. the high-dive
15. bomb pops
16. vascillating between over-achievment and under-achievment (oh, i still do this)
17. watching Adventures in Babysitting and then Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
18. ALF
19. watercolors

10 Best Thrift Store/Garage Sale Finds Ever

1. Fisher Price tape player with microphone attached (don't remember where!)
2. Sonic Youth's Goo on tape: Goodwill on 2222 and Guadalupe (Austin)
3. 1970s Sony T-Shirt: garage sale in Los Feliz (L.A.)
4. a purple antique ice chest: garage sale on Silver Lake Blvd. (L.A.)
5. 2 anatomy books at the Blue Hanger (Austin)
6. Star Wars bedsheets, Charlie Brown bedsheets: Thrift Town (Austin)
7. a cheap gold chain with a cheap gold heart (Austin)
8. the Orleans album with the members of the band shirtless and hugging on the cover (d.r.)
9. t-shirt that read 'because i'm worth it' (d.r.)
10. a pink rosary from the Goodwill on Lake Austin Blvd.

15 Words I Over-Use (+ Synonyms that I can Use Instead)

1. excessive (exorbitant)
2. elitist (American)
3. redundant...which is ironic (superfluous)
4. ironic (sardonic...which is not really a synonym, but a cool word nonetheless)
5. amazing (amazing)
6. best (blank) ever
7. retarded (mildly vegetable-ish)
8. kind of (sort of)
9. really? (just stop this one altogether)
10. still? (tranquil?)
11. what? (say what?)
12. acceptable (admissable)
13. fucking idiot (fucking fool)
14. do you know what i mean? (do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
15. ridiculous (retarded)

What my life consists of as of late:

1. loving my new house (wood floors, high ceilings, fans, trampoline, art studio)
2. cooking (pork chops, tacos, giant salads)
3. illustrating (on wood blocks) and making t-shirts
4. riding my bike everywhere i can
5. drinking ridiculous coffee drinks (triple iced soy lattes with almond syrup)
6. talking a lot of shit
7. re-listening to this one modest mouse album over and over again, re-reading Chuck Klosterman's 'Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs'
8. drinking a fucking lot of alcohol (mostly cheap beer or expensive gin)
9. writing a teen comedy with kerri (who doesn't love a teen movie??)
10. working for my pops (we cuss like sailors and make fun of republicans at the office)
11. having the best sex ever (sorry, but you should know this)
12. AND being so happy that if I died right now, I'd be okay because I finally feel like I'm doing what I want to do

10 Albums that Changed my Life*

1. Janis Joplin: Pearl (ninth grade)
2. John Coltrane: Impressions (20 yrs. old)
3. Cat Steven: Tea for the Tillerman (15)
4. Black Sabbath: Paranoid (22)
5. Money Jungle: Duke Ellington, Mingus, and Roach (20)
6. Ornette Coleman: Science Fiction (22)
7. Sonny Rollins: Freedom Suite (21)
8. Brian Jonestown Massacre: The Satanic Majesties' Second Request (always and forever)
9. Jolie Holland: Springtime Can Kill You (26)
10. Blackalicious: Nia (21)
Runner-Up: Grateful Dead: Workingman's Dead (17)


This list is not exactly complete. This list is not meant to be read as my 'favorite albums of all time.' These albums are landmarks in my life that I associate with a change in the way I think about music and a change in the way I perceive reality. It may have not been these albums that changed the way I 'perceive reality'; it just so happens that the change occured around the same time these albums were on my rotation. It's funny that these albums are mostly jazz and 60s music. This in no way reflects the spectrum of my musical tastes; however, it does reveal my kinship with rebellion, a search for meaning, and a good-ol'-fashion party!

15 Things I Constantly Forget to Do

1. pluck my eyebrows
2. buy toilet paper/toothbrush/paste/contact lens solution when I need it
3. take the receipt out of the self credit slot of the gas pump
4. take my vitamins
5. drink water ( I don't know how...)
6. avoid my mom when I tell myself I'm going to avoid her
7. live every minute as if I'm acting on a Lifetime movie
8. pick up my glass off the floor (which I always knock over later)
9. not turn the station after I land on (and stay on) either Christian radio or commercials
10. turn up the volume after I land on Black Sabbath
11. fucking rock (maybe not constantly, maybe I forget to fucking rock only some of the time)
12. not be a dummy, dummy
13. give up drinking
14. stop the killing
15. love myself as much as I love myself

7 Things not to Push on me (And over-use of the phrase "that shit")

1. Your religion...and I don't care what religion it is. Even if it's pacifism, don't push that shit on me.
2. Your "green-ness"; I know we are ruining the planet, I know that we all must take steps to promote a vital and healthy ecosystem, I myself wish to reduce my own consumption, but I don't want to hear about that shit all goddam day. It's always some product that is natural, or biodegradable, or fuel-efficient, or eco-friendly (terms which mean virtually nothing). Or it's some book, or some practice that we all must partake in. Being "green" is a rich person's game. Poor people can rarely afford to be green. (Other than the fact that they use public transportation.) And that is sad.
3. Your yoga philosophy. I've already complained about this enough. Yoga is a rich person's sport. You can't buy enlightenment, especially when that shit is fake.
4. Your ideologies (because they are just ideologies).
5. Creationism/intelligent design: because that shit is dumb.
6. Your knowledge of natural remedies. I finally realized I'm ALLERGIC to echinacea. That shit doesn't work for everyone, so stop telling me to take it when I a) have the cold/flu or b) have allergies !!
7. Your pretention. I can't keep up with that shit. So don't expect me to.

On Fondness

6 Things I am NOT fond of, but should be

1. wind, it's annoying and puts me in a bad mood, it even makes me angry
2. 70 degree weather...it must be above 80 degrees (actually, sunny and 91 is ideal)
3. fiction
4. on that note: Borges and Nabokov
5. vegetarianism (I've tried about 8 times, beginning junior year of high school, and the results are always this: breaking my no-meat streak with something like ribs or a chicken fajita taco)
6. Austin (my city annoys me to no end)

8 Things I AM fond of, but shouldn't be

1. Peter Pan peanut butter on Wonder bread, Lays potato chips and a coca cola classic for lunch (very comforting)
2. gin
3. Vogue, Elle, & Lucky magazine
4. the idea of getting botox (oh, it's gonna happen)
5. American Idol (this season is all about David Cook, ugghh...I annoy myself)
6. on that note: I kind of think Simon Cowell is hot (?)
7. holding grudges (I actually only have 1 right now, and I was ready to forgive, but then I heard she said something ignorant and bitchy again, so I grabbed that grudge right back...this hurts my fleshy soul)
8. anywhere in Texas except Austin

I can tell you that I am fond of brilliance and I think this is okay.

Taking a Shower

1.) start the shower
2.) wait for it to get hot while I brush my hair
3.) get in, spend 5-6 minutes making it the temperature I like (Very Hot)
4.) wash hair
5.) while shampoo is in hair, shave armpits and one leg
6.) rinse out shampoo, then shave other leg (accidentally cut knee/ankle)
7.) soap off
7.) wash face with a nonharming/scrubby type of cleanser
8.) turn off water and shake hair like crazy
9.) grab towel and dry off, put hair in towel
10.) use: lotion, face moisterizer, deoderant
11.) take hair out of towel, let air dry, do not brush until next shower

Everyone does it differently. This is how I do it.

List in Paragraph Form: Why I am and will Always be a Texas Girl

overgrown-dense-patches-of-wildflowers-in April, bluebonnets, cacti, Willie Nelson, rust, the large antique-ing subculture, chickens/roosters/horses/hawks, swimming in rivers (hell yeah!), it's not LA or SF or NYC (thank the Lord for that), I grew up in the city--but I'm still a country girl, trucks, things gritty, dirty South rap, the heat (I can't tell you how much I adore heat--it's so sexy!), nobody bothers me (I can do my thang), people sitting on porches just watching the day go by, the "Texas car wave" (if you're not from here, you won't get it), climbing Enchanted Rock, just driving in the country, the best BBQ (sorry Memphis, Kansas City, Mississippi), the Texas coast (even if it is polluted, I spent every single summer there and couldn't imagine my life without it), the fact that people from outside Texas "don't get Texas, or Texas pride," why would I ever want to live anywhere else?, it's affordable, people are really nice--like so nice when I go other places I realize that some people are very mean, good people, far East Austin country like lifestyle, West Texas space, East Texas pines, the Hill Country, border towns, the fact that Texas is a brown majority/white minority state, things haunted, highway flea markets, warm Thanksgivings, drinking on patios, Day of the Dead parades, the rebel spirit (and I don't mean that in a slavery way, I mean rebellion in general), that I feel like I'm living in the 70s--if I avoid the wrong places and visit the right ones, hidden pockets of amazing music, and on and on and on...

11 Cigarettes I Remember*

1. don't remember first cigarette (Dallas, '94)
2. rolly, Texas coast, back of old volvo wagon with James (Port Anransas, '98)
3. Lucky Strike, bummed from Molly after purposely slashing my arms up (Los Angeles, '02)
4. rolly, split with Lynn (half tobacci, half weed), on porch, Winter '04, church bells playing Xmas music in background, mild high (Austin)
5. American Spirit, Doyle and Lorraine's porch, saw first lightning bug of summer (Austin, '07)
6. the several I smoked with Jimmy (rolled) at dive-bar in Chicago while drinking Old Style and shit talking every single person we know (Chicago, '07)
7. menthol, with Sunshine, front stoop, she told me about the odd sex-cult she was in (Portland, '98)
8. Camel Light, junior year, in car with Hayden, Dan and Chase, after bowl of weed, drove by asshole senior's house and my asshole ex-boyfriend was standing in front yard...needed one bad (Austin, '97)
9. bummed Camel Filter, front of comedy club, first one in long time, felt like chest collapsed, got flu next day, sick 2 weeks (Austin '08)
10. the couple smoked with L. over Modelos, Lala's Bar, she told me she might be pregant(!) (Austin, '06)
11. Virginia Slim bummed from girl at Emo's, didn't want to smoke it, but didn't want to tell her, That's okay, I'll just ask someone else (Autin, '07)

*I'm nostalgic about this because I'm pretty done with this awful habit. Except for one every now and again when I drink.

Un-numbered List of things People Say on Upon Birthdays

"Happy Birthday...How old Are you?"
"I'm fwee."
"Ooooh, you're a big girl now."

"Happy Birthday. How old are you?"
"10."
"Double digits!"
(Birthday boy/girl pretends this is not a big deal.)*

13="Teenager!"
16="Driver!"

"Happy Birthday! How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"Finally old enough to vote!"
"Yep...pretty exciting!"**

"Happy Birthday! How old are you?"
"I'm (22, 23, 24, 25 or 26). I know...I'm sooooo old."***

"Happy Birthday! How old are you?"
"I'm (27, 28, or 29)."
"Almost the big 3-0!"****

*But on the inside smiles, because it's actually a HUGE deal.
**Actually does not care at all about voting, just excited to buy cigarettes.
***Anyone who is older will find this response annoying, anyone who is younger will believe it.
****This has happened to me two years in a row. I figure it'll happen one more year and then people will say, "The big 3-0." And then I can just move on with it.

NOTE: The most interesting thing about being 28 is the fact that I do not get carded anymore. At all. Ever. I never saw this day coming and feel sad about it. When I was 25, I used to get super mad about this, Can't that guy tell I'm way older than 21 (because I'm soooo old)?? This feels like the youth cut-off line. I feel young. (I know that I AM young in a lot of ways.) But I don't look young. There are lines on my face from smiling too much, and people can tell. It's just sort of sad.

15 People Who are Clearly Less Enlightened than White Yoga Teachers

1. Me. (Because I'm not particularly fond of Rumi or Walt Whitman.)
2. People who love rock'n'roll, drinking, and fun! (Me.)
3. People who do not do yoga. (Clearly.)
4. Republicans.
5. Christians.
6. The fat guy who owns the BBQ shop (A. Because he is fat and clearly does not exercise, B. because he sells BBQ.)
7. ALSO, anybody who eats meat/thoroughly enjoys eating meat. (Me.)
8. Poor people who eat McDonalds because it is only 3 dollars. (Hello, your digestive system will have a hard time digesting it and that is bad for your psychic awareness.)
9. Business people who wear suits and use computers and Blackberries. (Read in annoyingly earnest and cliched yoga teacher voice: We don't always need to be in a hurry. Take a breath. Enjoy each moment.)
10. People who are in the midst of addiction. (But people who have overcome addiction are clearly more enlightened somehow.)
11. People who go to the "Western doctor." (Especially people who take mood enhancing pharmaceudicals...me!)*
12. Intellectuals. (Which is ironic.)
13. People who smoke cigarettes.
14. People who watch (or admit to watching) t.v.
15. Anyone who is different.

*It seems to me the phrase "Western doctor" is a bit outdated. Fits into language around 1825. Though I know for a fact, without even consulting Wikipedia, that there are Chinese, Indian, Thai, Laotian, Burmese, Japanese, and Russian doctors who practice what we call in the West "Western Medicine."

9 Things I am Very Self-Conscious About

1.) the chance of visible pubic hair
2.) my toenail habits
3.) talking too much or talking too little...i've got to talk the perfect amount of time...OR ELSE
4.) wearing see through pants in yoga class
5.) wearing a see through dress with no underwear in the summer (i hate underwear and rarely wear it.)
6.) not wearing a bra and realizing after i've left the house that it's uncomfortably obvious
7.) my breath (especially after drinking coffee)
8.) making people feel comfortable at parties
9.) my lack of actual, visible accomplishments

10 Odd Things that People Like

1.) the tazmanian devil...Mexicans especially seem to like this character
2.) white people who like the rap group Dead Prez
3.) vacationing in Cancun
4.) strip clubs
5.) people: a.) Garrison Keillor, b.) Madonna, c.) Bono
6.) reality dating competitions with celebrities that air more than one season (Rock of Love 2, etc.)
7.) saying one of the following phrases: "I live in Brooklyn," or "We stayed in Brooklyn, not Manhattan."
8.) denying that they have seen every episode of Sex and the City...twice (or maybe that's just me)
9.) answering the question "What kind of music do you like?" by saying, "Everything except classical and country."
10.) either siding with fanatical vegetarians/vegans or siding with fanatical carnivores (i associate more with the latter)

15 Trendy Foods that I Think are Out of Style

1.) focaccia bread
2.) rosemary
3.) flavored Mayo (chipotle, wasabi)
4.) cupcakes
5.) pesto
7.) truffle oil...will you please just go away!!
8.) molecular gastronomy (El Bulli)
9.) southwestern cuisine
10.) fat-free foods, low-carb foods, low-calorie foods
11.) splenda, sweet'n'low, equal
12.) lattes and mochas
13.) portobello mushrooms
14.) chicken breast (dark meat is now and will always be the only choice for me)
15.) foie gras

3 Reasons Why I'm more Hard Core than Matthew McConaughey

1.) I don't chew gum. Ever.
2.) I don't throw "Hook 'Em Horns" signs at college football games...I throw "Hail Satan" signs at heavy metal concerts.
3.) I may have the biggest pussy in the world, but I'm not actually the biggest pussy in the world.